News Update from Canada

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week.

The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.

Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s.

“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD’s, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.

“I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?”

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If you know who wrote this please let me know, because I’d like to give them credit.


29 thoughts on “News Update from Canada”

  1. Its not the first time political objectors crossed the can/us border to stay low key.Vietnam draft dodgers were in Can by the thousands and are here as citizens now..from the early 70s!!.A good number are union leaders ,teachers,intellects etc.Good people who stood up for their own gut intincts ..lucky Canada is right in the backyard of #1 world superpower /global military ..still troublemakers out there imo(putin).

    • Send me your cruise ships, buses, planes, and Canadian Pacific trains to Washington , Oregon and California. Take our illegal aliens from Mexico and the OTR’s including Muslims. Give special lanes to bicycles, and Prius’ . President Trump should round up all who hate America, Their Constitution and their Flag, and hate, hate, hate. They call Americans Racists,( OH! You mean like NASCAR?) I have been to precious pristine country. Victoria does not have a sewer treatment plant. Canadians refuse to pick up their own trash in McDonalds. And let’s talk about the Canadian Hatred for your Indigenous Tribes!! And if you don’t like US, STAY HOME IN THE WINTER!!!

  2. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

    Myron Floren.

    This is great.

      • “A one and a two and…” -oops I’m showing my age 😉
        Actually some of the new retro-tv broadcasters are replaying the old show along with other classics like [who is] Jack Benny, The Honeymooners, George Burns, Lets Make A Deal, Johnny Carson and many others. These are better than most of the current crap that’s on.

  3. The blizzards are also crossing from the United States to Canada.

    This report is from Minnesota

    http://www.startribune.com/conditions-expected-to-deteriorate-rapidly-as-season-s-first-snow-moves-in/401873825/

    There might have been stronger winds in the Dakotas, and a lot of the Rockies was covered with snow.

    It seems the meteorologists have selective amnesia when they say this is the first snow. A month ago, there was a storm that brought almost as much snow, and similar very cold temperatures to Yellowstone Park, though this is clearly covers more territory. In Yellowstone, I don’t think there was one month that it didn’t snow this year, significantly, and that includes July and August. They don’t really talk about that, obviously.

    Anyway, they make it sound like the snow is late, and it might be slightly for Colorado, however, I know at least around 40 years ago, snow at Thanksgiving was rare, and this is well before that. Then again, summers used to be hotter too. Honestly, haven’t been there much for many years, however I don’t think it compares today.

    • It was the first significant snow up in International Falls, I have family there and I split my time between Connecticut and Minnesota. This year I’m staying on the East Coast in hopes of getting a few nor’easters. It figures a year I leave the falls for a winter they get hit with a blizzard. (I’m a trained weather spotter and I’d like to start my own storm chasing business) My family has told me there is power outages in West Central Minnesota. They even cancelled school in International Falls on Friday which is a big thing up there that usually doesn’t happen for snowfall unless temperatures get to be -40 without wind chill. Visibility was really bad my mom told me of cars being stranded in ditches in white out conditions and that she stayed a night at her clients house it was so bad (she’s a personal care provider among other things)

  4. This snow is also a week before Thanksgiving, and though I remember snow once, can’t say I really remember a blizzard this early.

    Reason I remember is I’m a skier.

    A week before American Thanksgiving that is, not Canadian Thanksgiving holiday, which is earlier, I’ve heard, all sort of gets confusing.

  5. Brilliant! Donald should show his sense of humour by booking removals trucks to turn up at the houses of all those who said they would leave if he won. They say the same thing here in the UK but the tossers don’t leave. Still, number one tenet of socialism is hypocrisy.

  6. Oh No! More mentally deranged evil people coming north to bid up real estate and corrupt public morals further. Send them to Gitmo please. Hail Trump!

  7. If anyone thinks Draft Dodgers are an asset to a community hasn’t been to Nelson BC. A city burdened with old pot smoking hippies that took their selfish form of patriotism disguised as protest and set up the same shop in Canada. Nelson has become a wasteland of malcontents. Thanks.

  8. Ha ha this is gold. There are famous people that said they will move, so what are they up to? Have they started packing their bags yet? Somehow i think its all part of trying to influence the out come of an election but as long as they don’t move to Australia we’ll be ok.

  9. well good riddens! But I have a strong feeling allot of them might want to return here after awhile. Do they know how cold it gets in Canada in winter? Its rough up there! I know because I lived up North to find out for myself in Minnesota. You better have allot of money up North because your car breaks down allot more than in the south. The cold climate is rough on cars.
    Also dirty climate for 6 months of the year. You can hardly go outside in winter and it’s allot of work dressing up all the time – even for very short outdoor walks. After awhile you get pretty tired of it. Canada is even more severe! If you’re on the West coast the climate is milder but it’s very expensive – especially Vancouver. It’s not any “easier” up there!

    • Hey! Just tell your Prog friends that Canada is the PERFECT place to live because of GLOBAL WARMING! Then, no matter how cold it gets, they will NEVER admit it, so will STAY THERE!

  10. Nah, somebody got that wrong (funny as it is)…. my father watched Lawrence Welk, and if I remember it correctly… was some lady who ended the show with a song on the accordion – but don’t remember her name.

    I am 66 (generation old enough to have been a “real” hippy, albeit an ex-hippy). My father- if he was still alive would be 100.

  11. For those who do not know… Lawrence Welk was a super corny US TV program in the 50s; my dad used to watch it every week and my brothers and I would make fun of him for doing so. A bunch of singing sisters, the Polka, etc.

    • Lawrence Welk was considered bland in the 1950s by a lot of adults, and “square” by a lot of kids. People made fun of him even then, but as someone said, “Nobody likes him but the public.” His show as on in one form or another from 1955 to about 1980, and reruns are still shown in the US on some PBS stations.

      Speaking of diversity, Welk was from a German speaking community in North Dakota, and didn’t speak English until he was an adult.

  12. Oddly enough… this morning (around 7:15AM) in Virginia it’s 38 degrees F… but in Concord NH it’s 43 and in Boston MA its something like 45 or 46.

    We also had a brilliant fall foliage season this year, much more like what I would have expected in New England (leaves half off by now though). The deer have been frolicking around enjoying the bumper crop of pecans from the tree right near my house.

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